Grief at the Holidays


It's been a long time since I was dealing with fresh grief at the holidays. But here I am again.

I knew this Christmas would be difficult after losing my mom a few months ago. I thought I was ready, but are we ever really ready for the way the memories wash over us? The way they surprise us even when we're expecting them? {Tweet this}

I was feeling energetic when I made the spontaneous decision to put up our Christmas tree before Thanksgiving. I already had garland hung around the house and was looking forward to the tree lights lighting up the room.

By the time we finished I was no longer energetic. I was exhausted, mostly from the emotions and tears. I know it's important to let myself cry when I need to, but I don't want to get stuck there.

So, through the hurricane of emotions there are a few things I'm reminding myself of. Perhaps they might be helpful for you too.

- Let yourself remember.

- Let yourself feel and cry when you need to.

Take it all to God. Ask for His comfort, guidance, and peace.

Everyone's grief looks different. It hits at different moments, with different memories, and for different lengths of time. No one's grief is right or wrong and shouldn't be compared to someone else's. {Tweet this}

- Try not to get stuck in the past and look toward the future, even if you can't see what that looks like.

I know the good memories are a blessing, even if they bring tears. And I'm realizing that the more difficult memories have a purpose too. They help me heal and they help me process life, allowing me to see where I've been and where I am now.

And maybe that's something God wants to show me.

Friends, as you may have noticed, I haven't been posting here regularly and it's made me realize admit that I need some time. So, I've decided to take some time off from blogging and plan to return after the New Year around mid-January. I will also be spending less time on social media through the holidays.

Wishing you a blessed Christmas,
Laura

[Photo credit: Unsplash.com]

Linking up with: Purposeful Faith, #TeaAndWord, #GracefullTuesday, Trekking Thru, #TellHisStory, #RechargeWednesday, #porchstories, Let’s Have Coffee, Moments of Hope, #HeartEncouragement, #DestinationInspiration, #TuneInThursday, #FreshMarketFriday, Faith ‘n Friends, #FaithonFire, Grace & Truth, #BVNetworkParty

When You’re Not As Okay As You Say You Are


I keep saying I’m okay, but honestly, I’m starting to question that.

I wrote this to a friend a few weeks ago in an email. I thought I was okay. It was my standard answer when someone asked how I was doing. But privately, I was starting to wonder.

I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was forgetting things that I wouldn’t normally forget. I was irritable, on edge, and about to cry at any moment. But…I thought I was doing okay. Until I wasn’t.

Maybe you know the feeling when so much is piled up and if one more thing gets added to the pile—just one. more. little. thing.—you will break.

I had reached my breaking point. I finally realized it and admitted it. And it felt good. It didn’t ease the pain of losing a loved one or make current situations simple, but the I’m-okay-mask didn’t feel quite so suffocating. {Tweet this}

I felt like I had to share this revelation and maybe some hope for someone else coming to the same conclusion about herself.

I posted this to a few of my Facebook friends…

Your breaking point just might be the moment you realize and admit that you’re actually not as okay as you keep telling people you are. But God is bigger than our breaking points!!

What breaks us does not break God. He’s bigger than the weight we’re carrying and the masks we’re trying to wear. {Tweet this}

What can we do when we realize we’re not as okay as we keep saying we are?

Please join me at Candidly Christian where I'm sharing 5 steps to take when you find you're at your breaking point...When You're Not As Okay As You Say You Are.

Have you experienced a time when you thought you were okay until you realized you weren’t? How did you feel after that realization?

In Christ,
Laura

Linking up with: Purposeful Faith, #TeaAndWord, #GracefullTuesday, Trekking Thru, #RechargeWednesday, #TellHisStory, #porchstories, Let's Have Coffee, Moments of Hope, #DestinationInspiration, #HeartEncouragement, #TuneInThursday, Faith 'n Friends, #FreshMarketFriday, #FaithonFire, Grace & Truth, #BVNetworkParty

Surrendered Hearts {Book Review}

I first met Lori Schumaker online in 2016 when we were both asked to contribute to a new Christian website called Blessed Transgressions. Although I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her in person, I enjoyed getting to know her through her blog, where I found encouragement and hope that transferred into my own life.

I knew Lori had an adoption story and I had read portions she shared with her readers. But when I read that she was looking for help in launching her new book Surrendered Hearts: An Adoption Story of Love, Loss, and Learning to Trust, I was happy to sign up. I knew I wanted to read more about her story.

I am not an adoptive parent, nor has my family been blessed by adoption. However, I know how hard it can be to trust God with everything you have, including your child. I’ve felt the emotions of not being able to see how a situation can possibly work out, and of struggling to let go of what I want for what He wants. I imagine you know the feeling too.

Different stories. Different situations. Different outcomes. Different seasons of life.

Same wonderful loving God who loves His children more than we can comprehend. {Tweet this}

What I found as I read Surrendered Hearts is that Lori’s transparent story of love, trust, and patience isn’t just for adoptive families…it’s for everyone. Her story kept me engaged, and the Biblical truths she shared spoke to my heart.

A few of my favorite quotes from Surrendered Hearts:

“Control and trust do not exist simultaneously. Life is a series of taking control of the situations we can and letting go of what we cannot.”

“Peace would follow when I walked God’s journey instead of my own.”

“Sometimes we get to see the why behind the wait. But other times we don’t. We must surrender any right to know the why and choose to unconditionally accept life as it is. We must believe that even in situations that feel desperately unfair, God is making all things right.”

And…


A lifetime of knowing. Decades of praying. Years of paperwork, research, and planning. Lots of tears. And the growing of faith in the waiting.
One look into a pair of sparkling brown eyes, and Lori and Bryan Schumaker fell head-over-heels in love with a beautiful young girl in Bulgaria. Certain this was the child God intended for them, they stepped confidently into the adoption process they'd been preparing for. They thought they knew what to expect, and they did—but there was so much more.
The application process moved smoothly ahead, and they began making plans for their daughter--only to be informed she'd been adopted by a family in Italy. Heartbroken, they struggled to move on, until, through a series of incredible events, they learned their daughter still languished in her Bulgarian orphanage. Turning heaven and earth, the Schumakers started over. Mix-ups, red tape, inexplicable delays, and a difficult judge threatened the adoption, but they were determined to bring their child home.
In a true story of learning that trust means surrendering your version of how the story should unfold, Lori and Bryan finally let go—of their dream, of their daughter, of their fears and frustrations. And in that relinquishment, God began to move.
For more information and to order Surrendered Hearts, please visit Lori at LoriSchumaker.com.

What are you currently reading?

In Christ,
Laura

[Photo credit: Lori Schumaker]


Appreciate the Boring Moments


I remember as a kid complaining to my mom about how bored I was, usually with some dramatic flair. I'm booored! There's nothing to doooo!

The thought struck me again the other day, out of the blue (without the drama.) But this time, as soon as I thought I was bored, I knew it was okay.

It's been a while since life felt calm enough to have even a moment to feel bored. It didn't last long, but it made me think about life.

We go, go, go all the time. We fill every minute of the day with activities, social media and working or playing on electronics. Or we spend our days just trying to keep up, not because we want to be busy, but because we're overwhelmed by life.

That's how it's been for me, season after season of feeling overwhelmed. Reminding myself to take one step at a time, one day at a time.

So thinking even for a moment that I was bored took me by surprise...and then I decided to appreciate it.

There's nothing wrong with having a few boring moments in a day. It allows us to slow down. To be present where we are. And just breathe. {Tweet this}

In Christ,
Laura 


4 Steps to Keep Irritability from Spreading


I was really irritable last week. Irritable like when people start to back away from you slowly and give you a lot of personal space, and you’re glad. It wasn’t one thing in particular. It was everything. And everyone. All week long.

I couldn’t seem to shake it, but I didn’t want it to spread to my family. I’ve been on the other side too many times—not sure if someone was mad at me or just mad in general. I didn’t want others to wonder what they’d done, when really, the problem was me and my bad mood. So, in addition to prayer for my own heart, I started to really pay attention to how my irritability might affect others.

4 Steps to Keep Irritability from Spreading {Tweet this}

1 – Acknowledge how you feel and let others know it’s not them. (Or be specific if it is something someone did.)

I knew my nerves were frayed and my supply of patience was empty, so I tried to keep to myself when I could. One night my daughter asked, “Are you upset with me?”

I answered honestly, “No, I’m not upset with you. I feel irritable and everything is getting on my nerves, but it’s not something you did.” From there, we went on with our evening. She knew I wasn’t feeling myself, but that it wasn’t because of her, and I breathed a little easier because I admitted how I was feeling.

It didn’t specifically fix anything, but it kept my irritability from infecting her.

2 – Take care of yourself.

By the end of the week, I was sick. I’d been denying it all week long. It’s not that bad….I don’t feel as bad as I sound. I was fine—until I wasn’t. I needed time to rest and get well. By then, I was still super irritable and then I was sick too—not a good combination.

Everything always seems worse when we’re tired, hungry, and/or sick. That doesn’t mean our problems or situations aren’t really as bad as we think they are. They might be downright awful. But, when we don’t take care of ourselves, our energy and ability to deal with things that come our way are limited. Everyday inconveniences seem way worse than they might if we were thinking clearly.

Stress takes its toll. It can make us forget to eat at regular intervals or not get the sleep we need. Stress keeps us from letting our minds relax during the day and wears down our immunity systems. Eventually, we find ourselves drained and struggling to get through the day. 

3 – Take a time out.

As an introvert, I re-energize by having time to myself. Last week though, I was so irritable, I didn’t even want to spend time with me. So, one night, although it was early in the evening, I announced I was going to bed. I needed sleep and I needed to be done with the day.

Taking a time out isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be a very good thing. Sometimes it’s best to remove ourselves from a situation before we make it worse. Even when it’s unintentional, our bad moods affect others. We might pick a fight or lash out at someone just because we’re reacting from stress and emotions instead of clear thinking.

4 – Don’t worry about things ahead of time.

When I found myself getting angry about something that hadn’t happened yet, I knew it was my irritability controlling me. I had to make myself stop thinking about it before my thoughts spun out of control.

Worry and anger before the fact do one of two things—either we’ll get upset for no reason because what we think will happen ends up not happening, or we put ourselves through the emotional stress twice, before it happens and then again when it does happen.

Both cause unnecessary emotional, physical, and mental stress that can ruin our day and affect those around us. Worry and anger like to have control. It’s up to us whether or not we’ll let them have it. {Tweet this}

I don't pretend to have this all figured out. I'm still working on it and probably always will be. It takes a conscious effort and practice to change our thoughts and learn how to control our worry and emotions, but it can be done. And the time and effort we spend on it is worth it.

What do you do when you find yourself in a mood you don’t want to spread?

In Christ,
Laura


God Works As We Share


I’m not always the best at sharing parts of my life with others. I wrestle with whether or not to share, with whom, and how much I want to put out there. I don’t want to admit how much I struggle in difficult situations and I don’t want to burden someone else with my worries.

But, I’m learning that sharing our stories (even small parts of them) is often the way we will see God use it for good. {Tweet this}

This past summer was heartbreaking for me when I lost my mom to cancer. In the weeks before, I spent time visiting with her, which kept me out of town quite a bit. During a downtime, I emailed a friend to update her on how things were going.

She replied, “I’ve been thinking about you almost all the time because my mom has been visiting this week—it’s really made me appreciate her visit even more.”

As hard as my days were, God gave me a glimpse of how He was using what I was going through in someone else’s life. A tiny reminder that He can use anything for good—even something that didn’t feel so good to me.

I told my mom what my friend said and despite her pain, it made her smile. It felt like it came full circle. Because I shared my situation, my friend felt comfortable to tell me her experience, and I was able to share that with my mom—how her situation was helping someone she didn’t even know. It was a little bit of light interrupting a dark day.

We don’t always get to see how God works, but sometimes, He blesses us with a small peek into His work. {Tweet this}

Is there a time when you got to see how God was using something in your life to help someone else?

In Christ,
Laura 

[Photo credit: Unsplash.com]


3 Books for Your Fall Reading {Book Reviews}

The weather where I am has turned chilly and one of our trees is almost completely bare of its leaves. It’s time for blankets, hot chocolate, and plenty of books to read. If you’re looking for something new for your fall reading, I have three books to share with you.

Before I Go - Jesus’ Final Teaching & Prayer
A free 3-week Bible Study with Sarah Koontz

Before I Go is a 21-day study of John 14-17. It begins on Monday, Oct. 15 with daily emails containing the Scripture reading and devotional. It even includes free audio downloads of the daily devotionals! How cool is that!?!

Each day’s study takes about 10-15 minutes a day, depending on how deep into the study you choose to go. (I journal notes and nuggets I want to remember, so I sometimes spend a little longer thinking about Jesus’ words.)

I had the opportunity to preview Before I Go and recommend it. (Especially if you’re looking for a study you can fit into your busy day. And it's free!)

A few of my favorite quotes from Before I Go:

“Jesus Christ’s actions motivate our reactions.”

“Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection built a bridge to the Father. He invites us all to cross over and embrace His redemption.”

“Because of the Holy Spirit, you and I will never be “on our own” again.”

“Prayer invites heavenly power into our earthly problems.”

To learn more about the the Before I Go Bible study and to register, visit Sarah Koontz at Living by Design Ministries. This study begins on Monday, October 15! And did I mention it's free?


When Grace Walks In: Passionately Pursued, Incredibly Loved
By Stacey Thacker

When Grace Walks In is a study on the book of Ephesians and is the second book in Stacey Thacker’s The Girlfriend’s Guide to the Bible Series. (You can find my review of her first book in the series here: Is Jesus Worth It?)

Written in Stacey’s friendly we’re-in-this-together style, she shares from the heart and reminds us that with God’s love and grace, we are not alone in the spiritual battles we face in life.

A few of my favorite quotes from When Grace Walks In:

“Grace levels the ground we stand on.”

“Nothing about Jesus says rejection.”

“This is our hope: Heaven is coming, and today you have all the power you need in the Holy Spirit to live out your calling until you get there.”

“When you walk worthy with Jesus, your enemy will notice.”

To learn more about When Grace Walks In, visit Stacy at StaceyThacker.com.


Love Life Again: Finding Joy When Life is Hard
By Tracie Miles

Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. In fact, Jesus said In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

In Love Life Again, author Tracie Miles shares how she found joy despite the difficult circumstances she was facing. She weaves her personal experiences with Biblical Truth to remind us we’re not alone in whatever we’re facing. We have Jesus and we have each other.

Each chapter includes Love Your Life Challenges, with prompts for reflection, action, prayer, and something you can do to make yourself smile.

A few of my favorite quotes from Love Life Again:

“You can choose to be content and joyful, or you can choose to be disgruntled and sad.”

“Commit to loving whom God created you to be.”

“When life is hard, we must fight for joy.”

“Prayer doesn’t immediately solve our problems, but it does invite God’s peace to fill our hearts.”

To learn more about Love Life Again, visit Tracie at TracieMiles.com.

[I received each of these books in advance of their launch dates in return for my honest opinion. Favorite quotes are my own.]

What are you either currently reading or have waiting in your to-be-read stack?

In Christ,
Laura


Jesus Understands


The Lord has been reminding me of these truths…

Jesus understands our tears. He wept.

Jesus understands our sorrow. He loved and grieved.

Jesus understands our trials. He was tested by Satan.

Jesus understands our pain. He was rejected, mocked, beaten, and crucified.

Jesus understands our loneliness. He was betrayed.

Jesus understands our need for God. He was in constant contact with His Father.

Jesus understands our need for friends. He surrounded Himself with twelve.

Jesus understands triumph and new life. He conquered death and the grave.

Jesus understands because He lived it. {Tweet this}

Perhaps you need the reminder today too.

In Christ,
Laura


Our Presence Matters

A few weeks ago, I went to a concert with my family. As we enjoyed the music of the opening act, I couldn’t help but notice all the lit up screens around me. I nudged my teenage daughter and told her what I was thinking—I don’t get it.

It’s not that people were taking pictures of the performance, they were scrolling social media and taking selfies. Lots of selfies. And then quickly posting said selfies.

Thinking out loud, I whispered, “Why not enjoy the time spent with friends and family now instead of constantly worrying about what the world sees on social media?”

She said, “Because if it’s not on social media it’s like it didn’t happen.”

Oh. That’s sad.

Our time with others in real life shouldn’t need to be validated by the online world.

Selfies and goofy pictures prove we were there, but did we miss the opportunity to enjoy our time while we were there?

Having just recently lost a loved one, I know how quickly life as we know it can change. I’m glad I have the pictures we took to remember the happier times, but I also deeply treasure the time spent together, especially in the hard last days. Had I been constantly checking social media I would have missed the conversations and the gift of time I was given.

Watching the activity around me, I couldn’t help but think about the time people spend with others without really being present. Maybe you think it doesn’t matter, but it does. Your presence matters.

In Jesus’ time on earth, He didn’t have to worry about technology and keeping up with what everyone was doing. Wherever He was, He was present. And lives were changed. {Tweet this}

Our presence with Jesus and with others matters. When we’re preoccupied with other stuff, we miss the opportunity to relate to those around us. And they miss out on spending time with us.

Yes, I know, life is busy and much of the time we are trying to juggle multiple things at once. Maybe the issue isn’t all that we have going on, but how we prioritize our time. People can see what matters to us.

I remember sitting in a meeting watching team members, including the team leader, stare at their screens. It only took a few minutes to understand the priorities—screens mattered more than the people sitting around the table. It’s probably not what was intended, but it’s the message that was received.

How often do we send that message to those around us?

How often do we send that message to God when we sit down to spend time with Him, but find ourselves distracted with other things?

Our presence matters—to God, our spouse, our children, parents, friends, co-workers, and the list goes on.

Sometimes all we can offer someone is our presence, to sit with another when there’s nothing else we can do. Our presence matters. It’s what is remembered and often what means the most. {Tweet this}

I’m not against social media; it has its good points. But like most things, it also has its drawbacks. While it helps us keep in touch with others, it also takes our attention away from who we’re with right now, causing us to lose the chance to make memories today.

What we see on social media may or may not be what’s really happening in someone’s life. But those around us—our relationships—they are real whether we let others see into our world or not. And our presence in real life matters. {Tweet this}

In Christ,
Laura

[Photo credit: Unsplash.com]


Candid Conversations {Book Review}

I like introducing you to new books. Candid Conversations is one I'm especially excited to tell you about because I had the privilege of being a contributing author.

Author Heather Hart, founder of Candidly Christian asked the question...

We all struggle with something, even as Christian women.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know you aren’t alone?

Twenty-five women answered the call and shared their stories about real-life struggles and how God met them in the midst of difficulty. 

You're not alone. We're all dealing with something. It might be a life-long struggle or a current situation. Whatever it is, being a Christian doesn't mean we won't face really hard days, it means we don't walk alone. We have Jesus and we have each other. {Tweet this}

It's okay to admit we struggle. 

It's not just okay—it's necessary, and in time, it can be healing.

Perhaps it's timely for me to tell you about this book right now...

You may have noticed I've been quiet here for the past month. I recently had to say goodbye to my mom and although I know I'll see her again in heaven, I've been struggling.

I'm not ready to share about it yet because my emotions and memories are too personal. They're my private connection with her. But I can tell you that this new reality hits me at times with great force and makes even something I love to do, like writing, difficult.

No matter what you might be facing, our struggles are real and our emotions are valid. But we are not alone.



Life isn’t always sunshine and chocolate. It’s hard. In Candid Conversations you’ll hear real life struggles that real Christian women have faced head on, and how God has either used those struggles to refine their faith, or used their faith to help them weather the storm. From struggling with doubts to dealing with the loss of a loved one, these women lay it all out. They aren’t afraid to get real, because they know God can use their struggles to inspire, encourage, and reach others all for His glory.

For more information, visit Candid Conversations or Amazon/Candid Conversations.

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
2 Corinthians 11:30

In Christ,
Laura



Holding It All Together


“You’re the glue that holds everything together.”

I would guess that I’m not the only wife and mother who has either heard it, thought it, or feels it.

I suppose it’s a compliment. Or at least it was on the cutesy Mother’s Day card I saw at the store several months ago.

The first time I thought about myself as the one who holds it all together, it felt kind of empowering. That’s right. I am the one who keeps us all on track.

After a while, it started to feel annoying. Okay, people…you don’t need to come to me for everything.

Lately, however, it just makes me feel tired. Listen up—do it yourself or do without it.

Now, before you suck in your breath at that last statement and think I’m ungrateful, I’m not. I’m very thankful for what God has blessed me with…but I’m also being honest.

That cute Mother’s Day card I saw should have said on the inside: “You must be exhausted.” But it didn’t.

The truth is no matter if you’re a wife and mother, a single mother, a daughter and care giver, or somewhere in between, being the glue that holds everything together is tiring. And in long, drawn-out, real-life situations it is exhausting.

I have to believe I’m not the only one who knows what it feels like. Maybe you’re…

- The one who tries to stay hopeful when nothing is going the way we want it to, and everyone is getting weary…and irritable.

- The one who keeps pouring into others, but is feeling empty herself.

- The one who starts feeling lost while trying to keep everyone on the right path.

- The one who champions others, but feels alone and unsupported.

- The one who tries to keep it all together when it feels like everything is falling apart.

Even the best glue gets tired and won’t hold forever.

Over time, when glue gets stretched too thin, it loses its grip. It might start underneath where it can’t be seen. Or perhaps it’s a barely visible crack in the smooth exterior that goes unnoticed. Either way, without reinforcement, that crack will continue to spread or snap completely.

To fix physical objects, we can add more adhesive. (I’ve been known to do this.)

Or jury-rig a quick fix. (Yes, I’ve been known to do this also. MacGyver it. It’s a real term. Thank you 1980s.)

But, what happens when we’re the glue? Then what?

The truth is no amount of glue on the outside will fix what only God can do on the inside. {Tweet this}

So, what do we do when we’re the one holding it all together and the weight becomes too heavy to bear? {Tweet this}

Please join me at Candidly Christian where I talk about 3 steps we can take when the load gets too heavy. When You Feel Like You're Holding It All Together.

In Christ,
Laura

[Photo credit: Candidly Christian]

Linking up with: Purposeful Faith, #TeaAndWord, Trekking Thru, #GraceFullTuesday, #TellHisStory, Let's Have Coffee, #DestinationInspiration, #RechargeWednesday, #porchstories, Grace & Truth, Faith 'n Friends, #FaithonFire, #FreshMarketFriday, #BVNetworkParty