Reacting to Change {Anger Series}

Change. Sometimes you see it coming. Other times it is unexpected.

I’m experiencing change in a couple of different areas right now—one I’ve been preparing for. The other was sudden. Both will take some getting used to.

The sudden change has caused a range of emotions, but the one I’m not feeling is anger. I guess I could be angry. I could hold a grudge. But, it wouldn’t help the situation. And, I’m really not feeling angry, so why fabricate it?

I’ve been thinking about anger, though, because of some of the opinions expressed to me.

“If I were you....”

“You should….”

They were negative suggestions that could fuel the fire of anger, if there was a spark. But I didn’t accept the match. Instead, I just moved away.

I won’t wear someone else’s anger. If that’s the load someone chooses to carry, that’s their choice. But, when it’s forcefully shared with me, I don’t have to accept it. (I’ve learned that over the years.)

Reactions say a lot about us to other people. {Tweet this} Some reactions touched my heart. Others made me want to run in the opposite direction. I don’t know what my reactions said, but I hope they were an example of optimism in this unanticipated change.

I hope my reaction to change reflects Christ, no matter how easy or difficult the next steps may be. When I say “I trust God,” I hope people see that I really do.

Anger is a normal human emotion, but it can be consuming, and it can blind us to the positive possibilities God can bring about through change.

I don’t want to miss those new opportunities. Do you?

In Christ,

Laura 

Linking up with: Give Me Grace, Moments of Hope, #SmallWonder, #LifeGivingLinkup, Intentional Tuesday, #TellHisStory, #RaRaLinkup, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday, Grace & Truth, #FreshMarketFriday

When Anger is Easier {Anger Series}

I recently remembered a conversation I had with a friend years ago. I don’t remember what situation I was telling her about, but I know I was angry. After listening for a while, she said, “You’re hurt.” I agreed. I was hurt by what had happened, but what I said was, “Yes, but anger is easier.”

I’ve been thinking about it lately as I watch the news and hear about things going on around me. Even as I look at my own life.

Sometimes it’s easier to be angry than to admit the emotional pain.

Anger feels offensive. Hurt feels defensive.

Anger allows me to put up a wall, with the assumption that it will keep pain out. In reality, that wall locks the pain inside. {Tweet this}

Admitting emotional pain makes me vulnerable. It means I have to address what has happened, and it might involve forgiving someone who isn’t sorry…or someone who doesn’t even acknowledge they hurt my feelings.

Vulnerability takes us to a risky place. To admit we’ve been hurt means we have to take the “I’m fine” mask off, and risk being hurt further. But keeping the mask on brings just as much risk.

Behind the mask, we take the chance of losing ourselves to a life lived in anger.

Emotional pain and vulnerability are frightening places to be—except when we take them to the foot of the cross. There we don’t have to rely on our own strength to forgive because Jesus will help us.

We are only able to forgive others because God first forgave us.

Anger is a normal human emotion, but how we handle it and how we act while angry is in our control.

Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us]. James 1:19-20 (Amplified Bible)

I’ve been thinking about this as I watch the news. We have a lot of anger, and so much hurt, in our world. Maybe we see more of the anger because anger demands attention…while emotional pain often suffers alone. {Tweet this}

For myself, I’m trying to identify anger before it takes root. Here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself. Maybe they will help you too.

Why am I feeling angry?

Is it something legitimate? Or perhaps I’m overtired, stressed out, or not feeling well, and things are just getting to me. Little things have a way of building over the course of the day. Changing my perspective and taking control of my thoughts go a long way.

Is there something I can do about the situation, or is it out of my control?

Identify what I can and cannot control. If there’s something I can do to change my situation, then planning a course of action helps. No matter if it’s short-term or long-term goals, it still feels like I’m doing something to make a change.

If the situation is truly out of my control, then I need to make sure I’m spending time with God to get past my anger. Stewing about whatever it is will only make everything worse. Negative feelings and a bad attitude grow quickly and are highly contagious to everyone around me. Negativity needs to be diffused before it grows like wildfire.

Is my behavior pleasing to God?

Whether it’s deep-seated anger I’m dealing with, or a really bad day, I can work to control my behavior. Walking closely with God and considering what He thinks of my words and actions really helps. And it goes a long way in keeping myself out of trouble.

Anger is the easier route if that’s what you’re used to. It takes a conscious effort to make a course correction and then to keep walking on that new, unfamiliar path, but it can be done. 

In time, we become accustomed to a different way of doing things, and even when it’s still difficult, it is more familiar, and slightly more comfortable.

In Christ,

Laura 

[Photo credit: FreeImages.com]

Linking up with: Grace & Truth, #FreshMarketFriday, #GiveMeGrace, #LifeGivingLinkup, #IntentionalTuesday, #RaRaLinkup, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday

Life Lessons {Anger Series}

When I was in college I worked as a pharmacy technician. The first step when a new prescription was brought in was to get the customer’s name, address, and phone number. If I already knew the person was a regular customer, I could bypass this step.

One day a gentleman came in, whom I didn’t recognize. When I asked for his information, he became angry and yelled at me. I don’t remember what he said or what I said in response. I didn’t know what to think…he was yelling at me for doing my job.

Fortunately, the pharmacist, who was also the store owner, was nearby and came to the counter to intervene. He calmed the man down, while I escaped back into the pharmacy.

Later in the day, after the man had received his prescription (not by me) and left…he came back. The pharmacist greeted him…but he asked to talk to me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was unprepared for what happened…

The man apologized.

He came back to the store because he wanted to apologize to me. He explained that when he had come in earlier, he and his wife had come from the doctor’s office—where they had just found out she had cancer.

I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but what I’ve never forgotten are the lessons.

1 – We never know where someone else is coming from or what they are dealing with.

In our quick-to-judge lives, we jump to conclusions. Before the apology, I’d probably decided the guy was a jerk, but he wasn’t. He was a man who was hurting. He had received overwhelming, difficult news and I just happened to be the one who caused him to release a little steam.

Years later, I still think about this. Often, when I encounter an unpleasant person I start to wonder what has happened to make her so angry. Maybe it’s just a bad day or maybe it’s much more. It doesn’t excuse nasty behavior, but sometimes it does help to explain it, even if I never know the situation.

At the very least, my experience does help me to not take someone else’s behavior personally.

2 – Never be afraid to apologize.

The fact that the man came back to apologize meant more to me than he probably knew. Instead of ignoring what had happened, he took the humble step of coming back.

I doubt it was easy for him. In the midst of the bad news he’d received that day, he took responsibility for his behavior. Maybe it was the only thing he felt he could control that day.

I wish I could tell this man what he taught me, and how his example became a life lesson I still think about often.

3 – Pay attention to what I’m dealing with and try not to project it on to others.

When this man came back to apologize, I was left with a very different impression than I had before he returned.

We never know the impression we will make on someone else. {Tweet this}

Even if the encounter is only for a moment, it’s a moment that can last a lifetime. I don’t want to be the one who sours someone else’s day. But, if I am, I hope I can recognize it, take responsibility, and change that impression.

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 16:24 NLT

In Christ,

Laura

[Photo credit: FreeImages.com]

Linking up with: Grace & Truth, #RaRaLinkup, #GiveMeGrace, #LifeGivingLinkup, Moments of Hope, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday, #FreshMarketFriday

Anger in Control {Anger Series}

I think sometimes we don’t realize the power anger has over us. It comes on quick, but it also builds over time. It has the ability to move us to help others when we see injustice, but it also has the potential to overcome us in very negative ways.

Anger, when left unchecked, can control everything we do from how we think and speak, to how we act and react.

If we let it, anger can become the operating system behind everything we do. {Tweet this}

As I’ve been thinking about this topic of anger, I decided to go back to the beginning—to the story of Cain and Abel. 

When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground. When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord. Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected.

 “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

 One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s go out into the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him. Genesis 4:2b-8 NLT

Very little is said about their lives until this incident. We don’t know the family dynamic or how they got along as brothers. All we know is God didn’t accept Cain’s offering and it made Cain very angry.

It’s the Lord’s response that I don’t remember in the childhood stories about Cain and Abel. God doesn’t sound angry, but He does warn Cain of what can happen if he doesn’t get in control of his anger.

Anger was at the door, eager to control Cain. And it’s still at the door…eager to control you and me.

We don’t have a time frame, but it appears it didn’t take Cain long to cross from being angry to becoming a murderer. Or maybe some time did elapse and Cain let that anger boil in his heart waiting to explode.

Either way, Cain didn’t have control over his feelings. Anger had control of him.

It’s frightening to think how quickly an emotion can drive us to sinful behavior. We hold on to anger waiting for the right time to retaliate, when what we need to do is confess our anger and resist it’s hold over us.

It’s not easy, I know.

Romans 6:12 says…

Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Romans 6:12 NLT

We could rephrase it this way…

Do not let anger control the way you live; do not give in to angry desires.

Or…don’t let anger control you the way it controlled Cain.

God’s Word always gives us direction in the way we should and shouldn’t live. He knows the human condition and how emotions have the ability to control us. So, like He did with Cain, God warns us of what can happen when we let anger have control over us…and it’s not good. It’s never good.

What are your thoughts on the story of Cain and Abel?

In Christ,

Laura 

Linking up with: #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday, Grace & Truth, #FreshMarketFriday, #GiveMeGrace

Quick to Give Our Anger to God {Anger Series}

Last week, on the day I started this series on anger, I opened an email with this Verse of the Day from BibleGateway.com… 

Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry. James 1:19 CEB

Appropriate, don’t you think? God’s perfect timing.

I’ve been thinking about each part of this verse and what it means in my life.

Quick to listen – not just hearing someone speak, but actually listening to what she’s saying.

Slow to speak – thinking before jumping to conclusions and stating my opinions.

Slow to grow angry – controlling my feelings so that anger isn’t my first reaction. Anger lashes out and shuts down communication. {<==Tweet this}

For many, anger has been an initial reaction for so long, it takes over without even thinking about it. To change this first response takes intentionally recognizing how I feel and why.

On my own, this can be difficult, which leads me to a fourth point to apply:

Be quick to give it to God.

I don’t mean what might be a common prayer…God, change her! She’s making me mad.

No, I mean tell God how I’m feeling and ask Him to help me figure out why. Am I short-tempered and low on patience today? Is my anger stemming from old unhealed wounds? Is there a legitimate reason I’m growing angry?

And then…pay attention to what He shows me, and seek His guidance in my reaction.

God diffuses my anger better than I can, no matter how hard I try. When I rely on Him, I am able to act less out of the emotion of anger, and more out of conscious control of what I might say or do.

By taking it to God, I make the intentional decision to address it with Him, instead of letting it boil inside.

Talking to friends and family may help, but it’s important to realize that it often just gives momentum to the anger. Talking to others helps us feel justified—we want reassurance that we have every right to feel the way that we do. However, if you feel more irritated after sharing, it probably didn’t help the situation at all.

But, talking to God is different. He never adds fuel to the fire of anger. He doesn’t encourage negativity, and He doesn’t condemn me for my anger. Just as much as He loves me in that moment, He loves the one I’m unhappy with. That’s not always easy to remember, I know.

It’s a humbling reminder that He loves each of us, no matter what we’ve done. We like to rank sin from the worst, to the not-as-bad, but to God, sin is sin. Which means…if I let anger control my actions, it’s just as bad as whatever was done to me. (Ouch.)

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this anger issue. What do you struggle with most?

In Christ,
Laura

[Photo credit: FreeImages.com]

Linking up with: #RaRaLinkup, #TellHisStory, #LifeGivingLinkup, Winsome Wednesday, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday, Grace & Truth, #FreshMarketFriday, Let Us Grow, #GiveMeGrace

Hold My Tongue {Anger Series}

I was so angry last week I wanted to yell. But…with yelling usually comes saying things I shouldn’t. (I kind of know this from experience.) So, before I went huffing and puffing into the next room, I prayed.

I asked God to hold my tongue and not let me say what I was thinking. And then I asked Him to help me calm down and diffuse the emotions that were overcoming me.

I didn’t always know to do this, to ask God to keep me from speaking. And even though I know it now, I still don’t always want to pray first because it means thinking first and speaking second.

Or maybe not speaking at all.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT

My words were going to be harsh. Anger does that. It makes us act in ugly ways. But, we can learn to control it…if we want to.

God created us with emotions, and anger is a human emotion. It’s not a sin to be angry, but how we act while angry can be sinful.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV

Acting and speaking out of anger fuels the fire in a disagreement. It keeps it going back and forth, and no one wins. Except the enemy. Satan loves it when we give him an easy way in, and uncontrolled anger is an open door.

Whatever I was angry about last week was not worth it. I stayed where I was until I felt calmer. I was still angry, but not like I had been. I believe God answered my prayer by keeping me still and my voice silent. It’s a prayer I’m trying to pray more often.

A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. Proverbs 12:16 NLT

This post begins a new series titled Anger…regaining control. I’d love to hear your feedback. Whether it’s a quick temper or feelings built up over the years, do you struggle with anger?

I don’t have a specific time frame for how long this series will run; we’ll just see how it goes. (Please note: I’m not trained in anger management, counseling, or anything in between. I’m just writing from my own experiences and what God is showing me through His Word.)

In Christ,

Laura 

[Photo credit: FreeImages.com]

Linking up with: #RaRaLinkup, #IntentionalTuesday, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Winsome Wednesday, #LifeGivingLinkup, Women with Intention Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, #FreshMarketFriday, Let Us Grow, Grace & Truth, The Loft Linkup, Give Me Grace