I recently remembered a conversation I had with a friend
years ago. I don’t remember what situation I was telling her about, but I know
I was angry. After listening for a while, she said, “You’re hurt.” I agreed. I
was hurt by what had happened, but what I said was, “Yes, but anger is easier.”
I’ve been thinking about it lately as I watch the news and
hear about things going on around me. Even as I look at my own life.
Sometimes it’s easier to be angry than to admit the
emotional pain.
Anger feels offensive. Hurt feels defensive.
Anger allows me to put up a wall, with the assumption that
it will keep pain out. In reality, that wall locks the pain inside. {Tweet this}
Admitting emotional pain makes me vulnerable. It means I
have to address what has happened, and it might involve forgiving someone who
isn’t sorry…or someone who doesn’t even acknowledge they hurt my feelings.
Vulnerability takes us to a risky place. To admit we’ve been
hurt means we have to take the “I’m fine” mask off, and risk being hurt
further. But keeping the mask on brings just as much risk.
Behind the mask, we take the chance of losing ourselves to a
life lived in anger.
Emotional pain and vulnerability are frightening places to
be—except when we take them to the foot of the cross. There we don’t have to
rely on our own strength to forgive because Jesus will help us.
We are only able to forgive others because God first forgave
us.
Anger is a normal human emotion, but how we handle it and
how we act while angry is in our control.
Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us]. James 1:19-20 (Amplified Bible)
I’ve
been thinking about this as I watch the news. We have a lot of anger, and so
much hurt, in our world. Maybe we see more of the anger because anger demands
attention…while emotional pain often suffers alone. {Tweet this}
For
myself, I’m trying to identify anger before it takes root. Here are a few
questions I’ve been asking myself. Maybe they will help you too.
Why am I feeling
angry?
Is it something legitimate? Or perhaps I’m overtired,
stressed out, or not feeling well, and things are just getting to me. Little
things have a way of building over the course of the day. Changing my
perspective and taking control of my thoughts go a long way.
Is there something I
can do about the situation, or is it out of my control?
Identify what I can and cannot control. If there’s something
I can do to change my situation, then planning a course of action helps. No
matter if it’s short-term or long-term goals, it still feels like I’m doing
something to make a change.
If the situation is truly out of my control, then I need to
make sure I’m spending time with God to get past my anger. Stewing about
whatever it is will only make everything worse. Negative feelings and a bad
attitude grow quickly and are highly contagious to everyone around me.
Negativity needs to be diffused before it grows like wildfire.
Is my behavior
pleasing to God?
Whether
it’s deep-seated anger I’m dealing with, or a really bad day, I can work to
control my behavior. Walking closely with God and considering what He thinks of
my words and actions really helps. And it goes a long way in keeping myself out
of trouble.
Anger
is the easier route if that’s what you’re used to. It takes a conscious effort to
make a course correction and then to keep walking on that new, unfamiliar path,
but it can be done.
In time, we become accustomed to a different way of doing
things, and even when it’s still difficult, it is more familiar, and slightly more
comfortable.
In Christ,
Laura
[Photo
credit: FreeImages.com]
