A few weeks ago, the annual Allume conference—a gathering of hundreds of women, meeting together as a
community of writers, bloggers, and speakers—was held in South Carolina. I
wasn’t there.
I would’ve liked to attend, but certain factors, like cost,
timing, travel, etc., got in the way. Most of the time, I was okay with not
going. Other times, the enemy used it against me, telling me I’d never get
there and everyone was moving ahead in this online world, while I was left
behind. Every time jealousy stirred my insides (You know, that feeling of being
eaten from the inside out?) I tried my best to give it to God.
Meanwhile, God was asking me to give up some particular
dreams I was tightly clinging to, and I wasn’t particularly happy with His
request. But, being the awesome God that He is, He explained. At a completely
unexpected moment, He whispered to my heart…
You want them to think
you’re important.
I was speechless—literally, mouth open, but without a word
to say. I replayed His words to me over and over in my mind, and something
clicked.
I realized I was looking to these dreams to define me,
instead of how God defines me.
I thought about it for days, as the Allume conference came
and went. Over the next week, I read posts by other writers and bloggers about what they learned at Allume.
I was surprised to read that many of the women who went,
felt the same need I did—the need to feel like we belong…to measure up to
others’ accomplishments—the need to feel important.
It didn’t matter whether I had attended Allume or not. It
seemed God was teaching us the same lesson.
It’s not the people we know or what we accomplish that makes
us important. It’s Who we know. And His opinion is the only one that matters.
It’s made me realize that I wasn’t left behind by staying
home, because this is where I was supposed to be, right where He called me.
As for the Allume conference, I still want to attend
someday…when God says it’s where He wants me. Until then, I think I like this
little place He’s given me in the online world.
In Christ,
Linking up with Sharing His Beauty, Soli Deo Gloria, #TellHisStory, Winsome Wednesday, WholeHearted Wednesdays, Word Filled Wednesday, and Faith Filled Friday
Oh Laura, I know exactly these feelings. I had to fight to not be jealous or envious of these women all together in the same room. I know it was not God's timing for me. I can see now how i may have crashed and burned had I gone. You have a strong and powerful voice in this on line community. I am thankful for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Barbie! You are a blessing to me!
Delete~Laura
Dear Laura
ReplyDeleteWhen I started blogging I wrote a post called, Lazarus' Legacy. When I was reading it again some time ago I realized that I was preaching to myself and it was then as if God revealed to my hart what really matters in this world. Remember, dear friend, how this world with all its religious ways and wrong priorities crucified our Lord! But it is not an easy battle to overcome. Praying for you, dear one.
Blessings XX
Mia
I have found myself doing the same, Mia--reading earlier posts and realizing they were ministering to me. Always thankful when you stop by!
DeleteI remember feeling the same way last year when I didn't go to Allume. I was so happy for those who went, but also wanted to be a part of it. I hope you can go sometime, when the time is right for you. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jennifer. When the time is right, He will get me there. :)
DeleteLaura, thank you for sharing this. I, too, did not go to Allume. I've always wanted to but never have had the chance. I've also experienced these same feelings. But when God is ready, you and I both will get there. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday. God bless.
Thank you. God has been speaking to me also about contentment and not comparing myself to others.
ReplyDelete