The Ache of Surrender

Last November, I was happy to have read and shared a review of my friend Lori Schumaker’s book Surrendered Hearts. Today, I’m super excited to have Lori here sharing a bit of her story…

Letting go always hurts. It hurts when the thing we must let go of appears in every way possible as something good and wonderful. It also hurts when it’s something unhealthy, but where we felt comfortable in its familiarity.

As Christians we are called to trust God. Without doing so we simply will not experience the abundance of His love nor will we experience peace.

Surrendering, or in other words letting go, doesn’t happen without trust. We can say we are doing it, but to really lay it down at the foot of the cross, giving back to Christ what is rightfully and originally His, takes trusting Him. Real trust—not the half-hearted stuff.

So, I must ask …

Are you holding onto something that’s not yours to have?

Is there an experience, memory, or resentment taking up space in the recesses of your heart?

What is it that you can’t seem to surrender? That thing that may be holding you back from moving forward into all God has planned for you?

In my book, Surrendered Hearts: An Adoption Story of Love, Loss, and Learning to Trust, I share my story of learning to surrender. Not that it’s something we learn once and then move on. Instead, it’s learning in layers–bit by bit and experience by experience. But our adoption story was one of the great big heavy layers of learning for me.

A point had come where I had to give up the little girl I believed was ours. Convicted, I felt with everything in me that God gave her to us. So, when what I believed to be true and what appeared in every way possible to be right and good, didn’t go that way, devastation consumed me. I grieved for months. I held onto what I thought was mine.

As much as I didn’t want to accept it, the truth was that this child was God’s long before she was mine. I had to surrender her because my desperate attempt to hold on was creating a wall between my Savior and me. I wrote about it in Surrendered Hearts.

When we enter true relationship with the Father, the scales fall away from our eyes and the weight of bitterness melts away. It is then, as we trust enough to surrender, that we find real relationship. It is then, through our moments of prayer, worship, and praise, that we find the hope, peace, and joy we were longing for.

And just maybe it’s what God was waiting for all along. Maybe that’s what it takes to move into the next chapter of life. I know it was for me. – Lori Schumaker from Surrendered Hearts

He is a God we can trust. We are given the opportunity to pour our hearts out before Him. He grieves with us, understands our anger, and holds us while we mourn. And He patiently waits for us to surrender what is not ours to hold onto.

O Lord, you are my lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me your shield of victory; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping.

2 Samuel 22:29–37 NLT

Friend, I don’t know what it is that you are holding onto today. I can promise you, though, that our Father is willing and capable of taking it over. He will take the ashes of your situation and make beauty rise from them.

After I surrendered, God took the ashes of my grief and wrote a new story. One I couldn’t have imagined for myself or our family. And as I get the opportunity to share that story through my book, I see how God continues to use what I surrendered in the midst of my grief.

I leave you with a prayer for surrendering:

Lord, please be my strength in weakness, my wisdom in ignorance, my patience in frustration, my love in anger. Lord, I ask for Your Holy Spirit to permeate my being, to be all that I am not. When the surrender aches, I ask You to propel me forward in trust, reminding me that You will not fail me. I thank You for being my solid rock—my strong fortress. Thank You for loving me when I’m not that lovable. In Your perfect name I pray. Amen.

Lori, thank you for sharing here today!

In Christ,

Laura

As wife, adoptive and biological mom, teacher, writer, speaker, and coach, Lori’s heart is to encourage others to meet the challenges of life with the hope of Christ. Wherever you find yourself today—walking through the difficult, longing to find your identity and follow your purpose, or simply experiencing a season of beautiful chaos, Lori’s blog, found at www.LoriSchumaker.com, is a place where you can find the encouragement you need today. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.

[Photo credit: Lori Schumaker]

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