Anger in Control {Anger Series}

I think sometimes we don’t realize the power anger has over us. It comes on quick, but it also builds over time. It has the ability to move us to help others when we see injustice, but it also has the potential to overcome us in very negative ways.

Anger, when left unchecked, can control everything we do from how we think and speak, to how we act and react.

If we let it, anger can become the operating system behind everything we do. {Tweet this}

As I’ve been thinking about this topic of anger, I decided to go back to the beginning—to the story of Cain and Abel. 

When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground. When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord. Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected.

 “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

 One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s go out into the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him. Genesis 4:2b-8 NLT

Very little is said about their lives until this incident. We don’t know the family dynamic or how they got along as brothers. All we know is God didn’t accept Cain’s offering and it made Cain very angry.

It’s the Lord’s response that I don’t remember in the childhood stories about Cain and Abel. God doesn’t sound angry, but He does warn Cain of what can happen if he doesn’t get in control of his anger.

Anger was at the door, eager to control Cain. And it’s still at the door…eager to control you and me.

We don’t have a time frame, but it appears it didn’t take Cain long to cross from being angry to becoming a murderer. Or maybe some time did elapse and Cain let that anger boil in his heart waiting to explode.

Either way, Cain didn’t have control over his feelings. Anger had control of him.

It’s frightening to think how quickly an emotion can drive us to sinful behavior. We hold on to anger waiting for the right time to retaliate, when what we need to do is confess our anger and resist it’s hold over us.

It’s not easy, I know.

Romans 6:12 says…

Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Romans 6:12 NLT

We could rephrase it this way…

Do not let anger control the way you live; do not give in to angry desires.

Or…don’t let anger control you the way it controlled Cain.

God’s Word always gives us direction in the way we should and shouldn’t live. He knows the human condition and how emotions have the ability to control us. So, like He did with Cain, God warns us of what can happen when we let anger have control over us…and it’s not good. It’s never good.

What are your thoughts on the story of Cain and Abel?

In Christ,

Laura 

Linking up with: #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Thought Provoking Thursday, Grace & Truth, #FreshMarketFriday, #GiveMeGrace

We Have to Decide

I’m joining the Five Minute Friday community with Kate Motaung…5 minutes, no rewriting, and a one word prompt…

Decide

Every day we make choices. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we make decisions all day long.

What to have for breakfast...what to wear...which chores to get done...how much time to spend scrolling through Facebook...when to go to bed, etc.

But the most important decision of all is whether or not to follow Jesus.

What do you mean? I'm a Christian…of course I follow Jesus.

Yes, but every day, we're met with challenges and how we react makes a difference.

Will I act out of my own desires or follow Jesus’ example? We have to decide.

Every day is hard. Temptations threaten to pull us down a different road than the one God wants us to follow.

We have to decide...my will or His?

It's a choice we have to make...today, tomorrow, and every day after that.

In Christ,

Laura 

Linking up with Five Minute Friday, Faith 'n Friends, Weekend Whispers

A Way Out of Temptation

I've always had a like - dislike relationship with social media. I've never loved it, but I don't really hate it anymore.

It’s been a blessing in many ways, but the best part—and I only know this because of the occasional e-mail I receive telling me—is that God uses what He leads me to write to touch others. And that makes being in this online world so much richer.

Any form of social media, however, can be addicting. And then it can become destructive.

Too often I've found myself losing chunks of time scrolling through feeds aimlessly. Or feeling like I have to keep up with what someone else is doing...only to then feel inadequate and insecure.

It's a temptation that sneaks up and attacks, and we're vulnerable to it because we think we have it under control.

But God gives us a way out.

When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13b NLT

The question is, are we going to take that way out?

Are we going to avoid the temptation by accepting God's help?

To continue reading, please join me over at LifeNotes...

In Christ,

Laura

Photo credit: Stock photo: Vineyard Gate (Waterfords)

Linking up with The Weekend Brew, Sharing His Beauty, #RaRaLinkup, Testimony Tuesday, Playdates with God, #TellHisStory, Everyday Jesus, Thought Provoking Thursday, Blessing Counters, Faith Filled Friday, Grace & Truth

When You Don’t Want to Admit You’re a Little Jealous

It happened again. I read about something new. Something really cool. Something that would’ve been fun to participate in. But I wasn’t asked.

It wasn’t a slight against me—there is absolutely no reason I should have been asked. And to be honest, being a part wasn’t even my first thought. It was just something I was perusing…and then I saw her picture.

Ouch. I don’t like to admit that, even to myself, but the feeling was there. Thankfully, so was logic. I asked myself why I felt like that—I don’t have time for another commitment. My focus has been pulled elsewhere this year, and I’ve accepted that because I know that’s where God has moved me.

But that feeling…that niggling bit of why-not-me that gets into my heart and then my stomach. I know it has to be stopped before it grows into the monster jealously becomes.

So, I took it to God.

God, I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but…why not me?

That’s not what I planned for you.

(Deep breath.)

You have planned other things for me…places where I’m needed right now, things to do today, and something for later which I don’t even know about yet.

That’s right.

(Another deep breath.)

Okay, thanks. I think I’m good now.

Admit it.

Um, I just did—to You. So…can You take away the icky feeling now?

Yes, but you need to admit it again so you can let it go.

(Sigh.) I know.

There really is something about shedding light to the dark little parts I’d rather not tell you about.

Jealously is meant to be kept in the dark because there it grows—fast and without being noticed. It’s harder to stop after it’s grown vines around your heart and clouded your thinking. It overshadows common sense and distorts perception.

Jealously changes who we are—who God made us to be. (<== Click to tweet.)

It makes us think less of what God has purposed us for because we’re focused on what someone else has.

Jealously causes us to lose what God has placed in front of us—we miss out on His plan for us.

And the thing is, if it’s what God Himself designed, then it’s better than what we see somewhere else—because His plans for you were not meant for me, and His plans for me were not for you.

That’s the perfectness of God’s plans—they are specific for each of us. God’s plans are personal—creatively thought out and set up individually—for you and for me.

In Christ,

Laura

Linking up with Coffee For Your Heart, #TellHisStory, Give Me Grace, Unforced Rhythms, Sharing His Beauty, Winsome Wednesday, Everyday Jesus

The Enemy at Work

There are not degrees of sin—sin is sin. I know that. But sometimes, when sin looks like pure evil…well, that’s harder to swallow.

Last week, I wrote about a presentation I attended on human trafficking. I watched as the speaker, a senior criminal investigator, paced while answering questions and I heard his attempt to temper his words. When a woman spoke up about the evil going on, he stopped, paused, and said there were times he felt he was looking right into the face of the devil himself.

I can’t imagine the horror he’s seen and I wonder how he’s able to sleep at night. I want to cheer for him and thank him for fighting for what’s right and for helping those who can’t help themselves.

It’s not new this evil. Satan has been at work since the beginning…tempting and enticing us, luring us with promises of wealth, fame, satisfaction—and lying to us.

To continue reading, please join me at 5 Minutes for Faith...

In Christ,
Laura 

Note:

The National Human Trafficking Resource Center is a national toll-free hotline, available to answer calls and texts from anywhere in the country 24/7, every day of the year.

Call 1-888-373-7888 or text HELP or INFO to BeFree (233733) to report a tip, connect with anti-trafficking services in your area, or request information and training assistance.

I have posted a companion post Human Trafficking in the United States, with a little bit of what I learned about human trafficking, including what anyone and everyone can do and links to resources.

Linking up with Faith Filled Friday, Counting My Blessings

Enduring Faith

Have you ever felt like the thing you don’t want to do is the thing God is drawing you to? For me, that was the Book of Job.

Years ago when I first started to read Job, I didn’t get very far. To be specific, I didn’t get past the beginning when God tells Satan he can test Job. I didn’t like that part. At all. So, I stopped reading.

And then over the years, there were times I felt drawn to Job. I underlined a verse or two, read a chapter here and there…and I started to see Job’s enduring faith in the midst of the unrelenting storm.

I saw his strength and faithfulness to God when his wife urged Job to curse God for all that was happening to him. Job refused. 

His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. Job 2:9-10 NIV

Not only was Job losing everything, but Satan was wearing him down, using his own wife to convince him to blame God.

I often wonder if I could stand up under the pressure like Job did.

Sometimes we get the opportunity to find out…

This past year has tested me in various ways. Exhausting I-can’t-do-this-anymore ways. And sometimes I want to tell God I quit. I quit trying to keep up with everything in life. I quit trying to love others when that’s the last thing I feel at the time. I quit trying to stay faithful to Him. 

But when God leads us somewhere, it’s for a reason. One night I realized why, despite my protests and digging in my heels, He led me to Job.

Because I was being worn down…to the point of thinking that if I quit being faithful to God, the enemy would let up.

But God intervened, as He often does. At the moment I was thinking of quitting, I remembered Job and how he was tested—and how he didn’t quit.

I imagine Job felt frustrated and angry, maybe worn-out tired. He complained, he cried out to God, and he questioned his suffering.

And then God showed up. Not to condemn Job, but to remind him of His omnipotence.

Job learned that suffering is indeed a part of life…but God was there with him.

Just like He was there with me that night.

Life is hard. But God is with us through the good days—and the bad—giving us strength when we have none…cheering us on when we’re worn down and the enemy is prowling…refining us for His purpose.

Through it all, Job endured. So will I. And so will you.

In Christ,
Laura

[This post can also be read in its entirety at Gloria Dei / Stock photo: Worship at Sunset] 

Linking up with #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Everyday Jesus, Winsome Wednesday, Recommendation Saturday 

Life. Is. Messy. {Five Minute Friday}

John 12:46 NLT

It’s been a while since I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday, but today’s word caught my attention…Mess.

Life. Is. Messy.

We live in a sinful world with sickness, anger, loneliness, temptation, self-interest, and feeling like we have to do it all ourselves.

When I rely on myself, I try to control the mess. I tiptoe through and around, thinking I can find my way.

But a messy life can’t be controlled—not the way I would like—with order in the chaos and certainty in what I’m doing and where I’m going. The more I try to leap over the garbage of this world and sidestep the mounds of trouble, the more lost I become.

Until I can’t see any more to find my way out.

But there is a Light.

Not a light at the end of the tunnel, but the Light in the midst of the mess.

Jesus

The Light who finds me and says Walk this way.

Jesus who came into the mess for the lost and the sinners.

Jesus who came for me. And for you.

To guide. To protect. To comfort.

To walk us through our messy lives.

Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

In Christ,

Laura 

[Photo credit: Stock photo: candlelight 1]

Linking up with Five Minute Friday, Everyday Jesus, Thought Provoking Thursday, Faith Filled Friday, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, Recommendation Saturday, Winsome Wednesday, Unforced Rhythms

When The Voices of Comparison Make You Feel Small by Alecia Simersky {Comparison Series}

I'm please to have my online friend Alecia Simersky as my guest today in the "Comparing Ourselves to Others...and what it does to us" series. Alecia and I met last year through Holley Gerth's God-sized Dream Team, although I think I was already visiting her blog before that. Alecia shares and writes to encourage others in their walk with Christ at There's Something Different. Please make time to visit her, and make her feel welcome here with some comment love. ~ Laura

I had a different post written. In fact it was completely finished and ready to send and then I felt led to start over and write this one instead.

Recently my head and heart started looking over at what others were doing, and the voices in my head started, she does it so much better than you, might as well stop now, and on and on they went. I’m usually pretty good at knowing when I’m under attack and even this time I knew, only I made the mistake of letting my heart dwell on the words…the lies.

What if it’s true? Maybe I should quit now, I’m not qualified or good enough or talented enough, maybe there really is no point to all this writing.

So the comparison started.

What makes their words so much better than mine?

Their blog is professionally done and probably cost a fortune; mine will never look like that.

Uh oh, this post didn’t get as many likes, shares, comment as her’s. Maybe I’m right; I’m really not all that good at this writing thing.

I pulled away from my blog and started to feel smaller and smaller. I started wondering if my voice even mattered.

I was comparing my skills, my abilities, my numbers with others and completely lost focus of why I started writing to begin with, and why I tell others to stick with it through the discouragement.

It’s not about me. It’s about Jesus and doing what you feel called to do even when you feel completely incapable.

I take my eyes off what I know to be true and put them on myself and my abilities—which of course fall short—and down I go into the slimy pit of self-pity, frustration and comparison.

Thank you God for holding the hand of the needy and not giving up on us when we forget whose we are and the plans you have for our lives.

I see the lies for what they are now, the enemy prowling around looking for my weak spot and attacking. When I made the choice to dwell on the words instead of casting them out the moment they popped into my head he knew he had me.

The truth is there will always be others who do things better than me. Always.

But it doesn’t mean I should give up or not even try.

When I compare, I take away from the good things I have going for me in my life. Instead of seeing all of my gifts, I see what I lack.

Without God constantly, and patiently, reminding me over and over that in Him I lack nothing and through Him I am complete, I would have given up a long time ago. Every story may not always connect or be shared by thousands of people, but the one or two it does connect with matter just as much.

And I’m making peace with that.

Father, forgive me for not always appreciating the life you’ve given me and for taking my eyes off you and putting them on me. Help me to be content and know to the very depths of my soul that you have good plans for me too. Amen.

*****

Alecia is a Southerner by birth (and grace) and gypsy by marriage (she’s moved 7 times in the last 13 years.) She writes to encourage Christians to live differently because of the grace we’ve been shown through Jesus. She has a heart to encourage others to get off the rocky shore of self-doubt and sail into the life Christ has waiting for them.  

Alecia is quiet by nature, introverted, quirky and fiercely loyal (she becomes Mama Bear when someone messes with her people). She will share her heart, story, struggles, and her pain...just don’t ask her to share her chocolate! You can connect with her at her blog There’s Something Different, Twitter, or Facebook.

Linking up with Sharing His Beauty and Soli Deo Gloria

                                                                                                 

The Cancer I Walked Away From by Melanie Moore {Comparison Series}

It's a pleasure to have Melanie Moore as my guest today in the "Comparing Ourselves to Others...and what it does to us" series. Melanie writes from her heart, encouraging and equipping others in their faith walk at Only A Breath. Please make time to visit her there and make her feel welcome here today by leaving a comment. ~Laura

At first, I called it curiosity. After all, I had always secretly wanted to be a private investigator after reading one too many mystery novels. Looking up certain people on Facebook, I even reasoned to myself, was done out of my concern for them.

However, this curiosity soon made a dangerous turn down a path leading to the comparison trap. Facebook photos of perfect white smiles, exotic vacations, an amazing wardrobe, and flawless skin made me cringe. Suddenly, my "innocent curiosity" turned into the overwhelming need to compete with this perfect face on Facebook. I am ashamed to admit that, sadly, it became a habit for me to look at her page in order for me to tally our current score.

If her skin was flawless and mine was not, I obviously lost that battle and the self-loathing began.

If her wardrobe was amazing, suddenly mine looked terrible, and again I had to give that point to her.

If she gained a couple pounds, I secretly rejoiced because I finally found a weakness I could exploit in our imaginary competition. Score one for me.

Curiosity and concern suddenly turned into fierce competition and comparison where no one could win... except Satan himself.

"A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;
    jealousy is like cancer in the bones."
~ Proverbs 14:30

This competition became an addiction, perhaps fueled by my need for approval. Even though I knew how unhealthy it was for me to play this dangerous game of comparison, I could not stop. I always felt the need to check on the competition to see how "I" was doing.

One day I realized that comparison was eating away at me like cancer in the bones, turning me into someone I didn't want to be, and someone God doesn't want me to be.

The girl on Facebook is not the enemy—Satan is the enemy, and I was totally and completely buying into his lies. When Satan, the father of lies, whispered that I am not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or popular enough—I believed him.

God gripped my attention and brought me to my knees before Him. I realized that when I compare myself to someone else, I am drowning out His voice—the only One who can ever give me approval. I came to realize that the person I am comparing myself to is one of only two choices: she is either a sister in Christ or she is a lost soul in need of a Savior.

I wept silently as the magnitude of my sin of comparison washed over me.

As a Christian, was I really rejoicing over the fact that a sister in Christ has less money, or has gained weight, or is struggling in her relationships?! On the other hand, could I have been rejoicing over the fact that a lost soul in need of a Savior has fewer friends, or less blog traffic, or crooked teeth?!

God help me and forgive me.

I want to be who God wants me to be. I don't want to believe Satan's lies. I want to build up the body of Christ, not tear it down. I want to minister to lost souls in need, not rejoice in their weakness.

Since I have confessed my sins of comparison, I feel that God is working in my heart and showing me who He has designed me to be, and that is the only path I am capable to walk.

"Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life."
~ Proverbs 4:23

If you have also struggled with comparison, I want you to know two things—things are not always as perfect as they appear online (for any of us) and God is able to replace the lies of Satan with His truth. Walk away from the comparison trap. God is able to give you the approval you most desire. He is able to forgive your sins and to lead you on the road he has prepared for you.

Walk the path He has for you, sweet friend. If I can pray with you, please contact me, and I will be happy to do so confidentially.

*****

Melanie is a wife and mom who loves to belly-laugh and savor each moment of this precious life. She writes to encourage others and share the hope of God's unfailing love. Stop by and say howdy at her blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

Linking up with The Weekend Brew, Sharing His Beauty, Winsome Wednesday, Soli Deo Gloria, WholeHearted Wednesdays

Can Comparisons Be Good? by Kacey Bess {Comparison Series}

I'm so happy to have Kacey Bess as my guest today in our "Comparing Ourselves to Others...and what it does to us" series. I first "met" Kacey last year through Holley Gerth's God-sized Dream Team before meeting her in person at the Jumping Tandem Retreat. Please welcome Kacey here by leaving a comment and visit her blog Next Level Mama. ~Laura

If there’s one thing that has hindered me and hurt me over the years, it has been the comparison game. Whether comparing myself to the cool kids in junior high or the Betty Crocker moms at my child’s school, this game of comparing has left me feeling inadequate more times than I’d care to admit.

Up until a few weeks ago, I’d planned to share about one of those moments, but then something happened…a moment that caused me to see comparisons as a good thing.

You see, a couple of weeks ago I attended the funeral of a high school class mate. Diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) about two years ago, life for my friend, his wife and two small boys would be forever changed. He went from a sprightly, athletic guy, to a man who had to depend on others for just about everything.

The beautiful thing is during this time, his joy never wavered. Even as his body deteriorated, he still proclaimed the goodness of God.

His wife told the story of how on one of their visits to an ALS Clinic, she urged her husband to declare the unfairness of their situation. She wanted him to unload his frustrations and disappointments at the cards they’d been dealt. And while no one would have begrudged him of this moment, he refused. He refused to let a disease get the best of his attitude or his life.

As his wife stood at the front of the sanctuary, beaming with joy and pride in her husband’s unrelenting faith and standing strong in her own faith, I sank into the pew and began to stack my faith up against theirs.

I reminisced over the times in my life, I’d been like a fair-weather fan, proclaiming how great God was during the good times but drawing away from him during the bad. I thought of the many times, when life hadn’t turned out the way I wanted, I’d shouted angrily at God…

Where are you?

How could you let this be?

Do you even care about me?

In that moment of comparison, I saw my faith for what it had been at times—weak and questionable.

But in looking at this couple, I also saw my faith for what it could become—strong and unshakeable like a mighty tree.

I left the sanctuary that day inspired and challenged to go deeper in my relationship with God.

And you know what, I imagine this type of comparison is what draws many of us to Christ (aside from God’s gentle nudging). We see something in others that we want—something we may not even be able to pinpoint or verbalize. Maybe it’s their joy in the midst of trying circumstances, a constant pep in their step, unexplainable favor over their lives or their unselfish giving to others. Whatever it is, comparing ourselves in this way shows us what is possible. It shows us there’s still room to become a better person.

And when it comes to these kind of comparisons, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all.

*****

By day, Kacey Bess is a budget analyst for a city; but after quitting time, you’ll find her wrangling three energetic busy bodies. She loves her kids to pieces and the many ways they’re refining her into a better person…at least on most days. 

She picked up the blogging bug in 2011, and now writes about motherhood and parenting at Next Level Mama. This die-hard Texas girl is most comfortable when curled up in a big comfy chair with an iPad full of books and a plate full of desserts. You can find her tweeting away at @nextlevelmama.

Linking up with Sharing His Beauty, Soli Deo Gloria, Winsome Wednesday, WholeHearted Wednesday, Everyday Jesus, Thought Provoking Thursday

How Comparison Almost Destroyed My Life by Barbie Swihart {Comparison Series}

Today, my guest in our "Comparing Ourselves to Others...and what it does to us"  series is Barbie Swihart. I first "met" Barbie in 2011 when I submitted a guest post to 5 Minutes for Faith and she was the editor. Since then, I've considered her a dear online friend. Barbie blogs at My Freshly Brewed Life and recently released her first devotional book, Coffee Talk With Jesus. I had the privilege of reviewing an advance copy of her book which you can read here: Coffee Talk with Jesus {Book Review}. Please make some time to visit Barbie on her blog, and join me in welcoming her here. ~Laura

I am not exactly sure when it took root in my heart. It’s something that, for as long as I can remember, has always been a part of me.

When I was a little girl, I was flanked on both sides by those who were more beautiful and more talented than myself, or so it seemed. I did all I could to conform, to be like those who I admired. Perhaps if I made myself look like them I would be accepted. Even as a little girl I wanted to dress to look like her, or walk like she did, or dance like that one.

God came into my life shortly after I graduated from high school and for the first few years, I was on cloud nine. I loved the Lord, and He loved me and life was perfect, or so it seemed.

Marriage came, and motherhood followed and for a while I was doing okay. But no one knew the deep depression and anxiety I experienced about not measuring up, about how I hated my body, about how I felt I could do nothing right, and how, no matter whether I heard it from his lips or not, my husband could never truly love me.

My displeasure with myself manifested in poor attitudes, angry lash outs and in shutting out the people I loved the most. Deep inside I was crying out for attention, yet I would push away those I loved because I felt unworthy of their affection.

In a matter of months, it all was about to come crashing down. 

It was an innocent attraction. I was in a very low point of my life and although I carried myself as one who was secure and loved on the outside, I was empty, lonely and dissatisfied with my life on the inside. All of the comparing I had done through the years leading up to my marriage was finally manifesting in ways I never knew existed. Why was her husband more affectionate? Why was her husband more gifted? Why did her husband bring her gifts? Why did her husband call her just because? Why couldn’t my husband do those things?

I had internalized all of the places of lack in my soul and made myself believe I was unsatisfied with my marriage, when in fact my eyes were turned to what I thought everyone else had, and onto what I thought I lacked. My vision was blurred and I could not see the blessing that God had put right in front of me. There was nothing wrong with my marriage. But there was something wrong with me. I had taken my eyes off of the one I loved and went in search of something, anything to satisfy my weary heart.

And there he was. This friend, this married man. At a point in my life where I felt misunderstood and longed after the life that others had, he paid attention to me. He told me things I longed to hear about myself. He put me up on a pedestal and made me feel special. All of a sudden, it didn’t matter what I felt about myself. He saw me differently. This attraction turned into an almost daily email connection with this man. What I didn’t realize was that deep down I was unsatisfied with my marriage, not because there was anything wrong with it, but because I was comparing it to what I saw, or appeared to see in the lives of other couples. I so desperately wanted more. This emotional affair lasted for about a year. Although I opened myself up in ways I should never have to this man emotionally, nothing physical ever happened. But the scary thing is, that it could have. I was so wrought with my own dissatisfaction in life that I almost turned my back on those I loved the most, for the momentary joy of gaining a life that I thought I wanted.

Comparison. It comes to kill, steal and destroy. It almost destroyed me.

During this time, I fell into a deep pit of despair. I was ridden with guilt and my vision of the real world was cloudy. I could not see the good in anything, especially myself. I remember one day driving across the bridge to go to work. I wondered, would anyone miss me if I drove the car off this bridge?” Anxiety and depression took over and I had to be put on medication for about a year just to function. In counseling, I realized that I was looking at a warped view of the world. “Things aren’t always what they appear to be,” the counselor had told me. “You do not know what is going on behind the walls of those people you continue to measure yourself against.” 

Thankfully, with God’s help and the love of my family, I was freed from the pit of despair. 

The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. But God’s desire is that we would live a rich and satisfying life, free of comparison. God is the only one who can satisfy the ache in our hearts.

Do you ache to be loved?

Do you ache to be accepted?

Do you ache to be known?

Will you pray and ask God to come and fill the ache that lies deep inside your heart? You are one of a kind, my friend. There is no one like you. You need not compare yourself or your life to others. The God of the universe sees you and leans over the balcony of heaven just to hear your voice. Turn your eyes to Him and allow Him to give you the rich and satisfying life that you desire.

*****

Barbie resides in Northern California with her husband of 25 years and four children. She works full time while juggling faith, family, ministry and writing. She enjoys a good cup of coffee, reading, painting and spending time with her family and friends. Barbie is the author of Coffee Talk With Jesus: Intimate Chats With The Savior and blogs at My Freshly Brewed Life, where she shares glimpses of His love and sprinkles of His grace for everyday living.   

Linking up with Sharing His Beauty and Soli Deo Gloria

When You Stop Comparing, and Start Living Your One Beautiful Life by Jennifer Dukes Lee {Comparison Series}

I’m so excited to begin our “Comparing Ourselves to Others…and what it does to us” series with my first guest—Jennifer Dukes Lee. I had the privilege of meeting Jennifer at the Jumping Tandem Retreat I attended last year, and I’ve enjoyed keeping in touch with her since then. If you haven’t had the opportunity to visit Jennifer’s blog, please make sure you do. I always feel so welcome there, and I know you will too. ~Laura

I was twelve years old, sitting on the curb with my friend. It was so hot that the road’s tar bubbled up around our flip-flopped feet.

I don’t remember what had made me so sad that day, to prompt this curbside meeting. But I do remember how bad it hurt on my insides, like my heart was going to burst. My ears and throat burned the way they do sometimes, in that moment immediately before your tears spill over. I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand, and started to tell my friend about whatever was troubling me that day.

“Oo-OOOO-ooo,”  she interrupted me. “Sounds like trouble in paradise. It’s about time.”

I remember how she rolled her eyes, and how her blonde ponytail jiggled when she shook her head back and forth.

I stopped talking.

Comparison had swooped in like a vulture, and snatched my voice. I went home with my tears and my shame and with double the pain, and I wondered what paradise was anyway? Because the burn in my throat still seared when I buried my head in my pillow.

My friend saw only the outside of my life, only the parts that looked like some version of paradise. The truth is I did grow up in the biggest house in our town of 350 souls; it was an old three-story house built in 1902. My mom stayed home with us kids, and Dad had a good-paying job. We dressed nice, went to church every Sunday.  We gathered around the same dinner table almost every night, just after the 6 o’clock whistle blew from the top of the water tower. It wasn’t perfect, but to my friend, it looked like it.

She lived on the other side of the tracks, in a single-parent home. School was difficult for her, and her big brother was often in trouble with the law.

My friend often held her life up next to mine, and saw a trash heap next to a gold mine. And I can’t say for sure, but I walked away from the curb that day, believing that somewhere deep inside her, she felt a little bit better because I was hurting so badly.

* * * * *

I see curbs.

I see curbs on Facebook and at the city park. I sit on the curb of Facebook and the blogosphere and in churches and school gymnasiums and playdates in the park. It gets hot out there, where people’s envy bubbles up like tar. We’re comparing our waist sizes, square-footage, IQs, kids’ reports cards, approval ratings. Oh, it’s subtle, but it’s there.

Comparison is a quiet vulture, swooping in to eat our joy and our camaraderie and our witness to the world.

We compare our trash-heaps days, to someone’s paradisaical Facebook statuses. We might be tempted to roll our eyes at the precocious comments that some preschool mama quoted. Somewhere inside of us, we might be turning green with envy at another writer’s bestselling book,  a former colleague’s success in a new business venture, another couple’s second trip to the beach in a year.

When we compare and contrast, two people get hurt: the Compare-er and the Compare-ee.

1 – The Compar-er.

It’s easy for any of us to see how, in the end, comparison hurts our very own selves. Comparison is one of the biggest joy robbers and dream shredders in our own lives.

We can unzip our own hearts to see the residue of our own envy. We see how it can crush our own wilted identities. The Comparison Monster could force its ugly self smack-dab between us and whatever God is calling us to do: start a blog, write a song, lead a Bible study, apply for the promotion. Nothing will kill a dream faster than looking at the life of someone who’s already living your dream, then believing it’s too good for you.

If you can’t do it like her, why try?

Can’t blog like her? Forget it.

Can’t make a difference like your friend does? Throw in the towel.

How sad for you, and how sad for us. You are the only “you” the world gets. We need you to be you, in this one life you’ve been given. 

I’m not proud to admit that I’ve compared, and let dreams slide through my fingers. Comparison whispers that our efforts are worthless and our dreams are pointless. And it will suck the life right out of us.

2 — The Compare-ee.

Someone else always gets hurt when we compare, even if we think it’s a secret battle we’re having on the inside. It hurts the person who’s sitting on the other side of our envy. It creates an us-versus-them mentality that can rob the Body of Christ of its unity and fellowship. And it can open up doorways to petty criticisms of the person we believe is “living in paradise.”

This morning, I read in Psychology Today that when we feel inadequate, we  might try to protect our own self-worth by diminishing the work of the ones we envy. “You are engaged in devaluing when you have belittling thoughts about another person, such as petty criticisms.”

(And Scripture has a lot to say about it, too.)

Cheap shots are delivered. Snickering ensues. We might get annoyed at the Facebook posts of the person who ran another ten miles, lost another ten pounds, gained another ten followers. And when they’re not looking? We might try to knock them down about ten notches.

People: We’ve got to stop this. Life is not a competition. We’re actually all on the same team, and it’s called the Body of Christ. And no one is living in paradise, and we’re all living in a world where Jesus said it plain: “You will have trouble.” Jesus did not footnote any exceptions in the fine print. 

What if we started celebrating other’s victories, instead of trampling on their parades? What if we started living out God’s call on our lives, without worrying if we’ll measure up to some invisible standard? What if we picked up some pom-poms and cheered on our friends, instead of picking up sticks or stones?

What if we ditched the lists?

Any of us can look back on our childhood lives and remember the lists that shaped us: honor rolls published in the local paper, school-play casting calls, homecoming courts, birthday party invitations, and more. When we grow up, the lists grow up with us: the Fortune 500, the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World, the Top 100 Bloggers, the richest, the sexiest, the most relevant. Even Christian leaders have come up with online lists to tell us which authors are the most influential.

In a world of list makers, how can we begin to live only for the Maker’s list? 

What if we all linked hands and elbows, and sat on the curb of life, and brushed away each other’s tears, and squeezed each other’s hands, and cheered wildly when it went well, and cried a hot mess when it all fell apart, when there was “trouble in paradise.” What if we did that?

What if we sat at the curb, and we curbed our comparing? 

How much of our best selves do we leave for the vultures? We could spend our whole lives wishing for something different… and then turn around to realize that we missed the “something different” we were created to live.

What if we kept our eyes on the incomparable God, our hearts in His inexhaustible love, and our feet rooted in His unfathomable grace?

I want me some of that — some incomparable joy. In the Now.

I am so in. I’m writing this because I’ll need to remember it. And maybe you do too?

There’s a spot on the curb right beside me. I pledge this to you: I’ll never compare your beautiful life to mine, and I’ll never cut you down when you’re not looking.

“But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point.” ~ 2 Corinthians 10:12

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Let’s not trample what we’ve been given in order to get to what we wish we’d got.  ~Lisa-Jo Baker

“When the Lord makes it clear you’re to follow Him in this new direction, focus fully on Him and refuse to be distracted by comparisons with others.” ~ Chuck Swindoll

“The problem with comparison is that you always feel either better than someone else or worthless compared to someone else.” ~ Dillon Burroughs

“Follow me.” ~ Jesus Christ

This post first appeared on Jennifer Dukes Lee’s blog on August 30, 2013, and is posted here with Jennifer’s permission.

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Jennifer Dukes Lee used to cover crime, politics, and natural disasters as an award-winning news journalist in Iowa. Now, she uses her reporting skills to chase after the biggest news in history: the redemptive story of Christ.

She blogs about grace and God’s glory at www.JenniferDukesLee.com, and is a contributing editor at www.TheHighCalling.org. She and her husband live on the Lee family farm in Iowa with their two daughters.

Jennifer is the author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval – and Seeing Yourself through God’s Eyes (Tyndale Momentum, April 2014.) She invites you to connect with her on Twitter @dukeslee, or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/JenniferDukesLee.

Linking up with Soli Deo Gloria and Winsome Wednesday